Monday, August 2, 2010

How To Call Shotgun


Modern society is all about social position, and no position is more coveted than that of "shotgun," the front passenger seat in an automobile. Since the dawn of automotive time, man has sought the most effective ways of securing this position; some are honorable (switching off every few stops) and some are not (hopping into the front seat while no one is looking). At long last, however, an authoritative source (read: me) has come up with a just system of rules for determining who shall ride shotgun. Read on and be enlightened:

The Supreme Laws Of Calling Shotgun
Article I: When a group of two people must travel by car, the shotgun position shall be given to whoever is not driving. Easy enough.

Article II: In a group of three or more, the shotgun position shall be given to the passenger who "calls shotgun" first.
Subsection 1:  In order to "call shotgun," a passenger must shout the word "shotgun!" loud enough for the other passengers to hear. If the call is too quiet, and none of the other passengers can verify the caller's claim to the shotgun position, his call is rendered invalid, and the position is still up for grabs.

Subsection 2: One may only call shotgun when in visual range of the vehicle to be ridden in. Any calls made outside of visual range are invalid.
Article III: It is the driver's responsibility to mediate disputes regarding the shotgun position.
Subsection 1: Any decisions made by the driver are final. His word is law.

Subsection 2: If two or more passengers call shotgun at the same time, it is up to the driver to break the tie.
Article IV: When the driver's boyfriend/girlfriend/husband/wife/significant other is present, he/she/it is given the shotgun position by default. Any calls for the shotgun position as described by Article II are rendered invalid in this situation.


  1. Dude, what kind of morons fight over who gets to ride shotgun in a Ferrari? A car like that, people fight over who drive it!


  2. Article II subsection 2 is totally wrong. It's when all passengers of the car are outside.