Tuesday, July 13, 2010

On Superman

Man of Steel. Challenge for writers.

Writing Superman comics must be a nightmare. Given the fact that Superman has every single superpower imaginable, writers need to create ridiculous villains with convoluted schemes in order to create any sense of dramatic tension. Think of it this way: when you're "faster than a speeding bullet," more powerful than a locomotive," and "able to leap tall buildings in a single bound," it's foolish to think that logical cliffhangers will be dramatically satisfying. For instance:
  • Lex Luthor pushed Lois Lane off the roof of a building! Can Superman save her in time?
    • Of course he can. He routinely flies around the world (and into space!) within seconds.
  • A giant alien shot half of Metropolis with a heat ray! The city is burning! Can Superman save the day?
    • Easily. He can use his super breath to blow out the fire!
      • (Unfortunately, you can't make this stuff up.)
    • Alternately, he could pick up a body of water to dose the fire.
      • Or something like that.
  • The Joker's kidnapped Harvey Dent and Rachael Dawes, and put them in two buildings rigged to explode! The buildings are really far apart... can Superman save them?
    • Are you kidding? Seriously?
      • But yeah, it's not a problem.
        • Watch this if you don't believe me.
          • Sorry Batman.
In order to give Superman even a slight challenge, writers have to come up with some ridiculous plot lines. This usually means they're also incredibly stupid. For instance, in Superman Returns Lex Luthor tries to defeat Superman by making an island out of alien crystals. Apparently this would kill a lot of people, and also hurt Superman? Suffice to say that the Man of Steel must give writers an incredibly awful time.

As a sidenote: There's probably no aquatic life anywhere near Metropolis, seeing how Superman likes to dispose of bombs/other harmful objects by tossing them into Metropolis harbor. (Does he have a vendetta against fish or something? Seriously.) Similarly, there must be a gigantic region of outer space filled with all the random junk Superman has thrown into space. (If he doesn't toss it into the harbor, he tosses it into space.)

1 comment:

  1. I guess that's why I've always disliked Superman. It's like using the invulnerability cheat in a video game, you know? Defeats the challenge of playing it in the first place.