Friday, May 14, 2010

Observations: Superhero Style

Anything Spiderman can do, Batman can do better. This is scientific fact.

Spiderman climbs walls and swings between buildings. Batman does the same things, without being mutated by a spider bite. Spiderman has a "spider sense" that warns him about dangerous situations. Batman navigates the same dangerous situations, without the benefit of spider-enhanced reflexes, and does just fine. He's just that good. Plus, let's be practical. What does Spiderman do when a crime occurs in a suburban area? At the very least Batman has a car.

Also, Charlotte Bronte would love Batman. He's so dark and brooding. Just like Mr. Rochester.

Come to think of it, Batman's extremely similar to Mr. Rochester. They're both dark, brooding, and wealthy. They both have dark secrets (Batman has a secret identity, Mr. Rochester has an insane wife in his attic). The both traveled across the world attempting to discover themselves after traumatic life incidents (Batman's parents died, and Mr. Rochester has an insane wife in his attic.)

In summary:

Batman: Dark, brooding, mysterious, awesome-and-doesn't-need-a-radioactive-spider-bite.
Mr. Rochester: Dark, brooding, mysterious, has-an-insane-wife-in-his-attic.
Spiderman: Kind of lame.


  1. Batman...gets his back broken. Amateur.

    Spidey's cooler.

  2. I like how halfway through this post Mr. Rochester became a superhero. Seriously that's awesome.

  3. I find it amusing that a character from the Bronte sisters somehow became more macho and manly than an established, mainstream superhero

  4. Batman: Has powers because he's rich.
    Spiderman: Has powers because he was nerdy enough to be taking a tour of a physics facility that happen to have a radioactive spider.

  5. I have no idea who Mr. Rochester is. Should I have taken AP lit?

    ALSO. Spiderman is infinitely better. Batman is kinda a jerk who isolates himself and has a weird sounding voice. Also he's a bit obsessive and messed up. And a rich jerk. And did I mention he's a jerk?

    Spiderman has powers that were NOT brought on by "finding himself" in an intense journey because he had psychological issues but that he got from a RADIOACTIVE SPIDER. which is awesome. And he doesn't need fun gadgets. Batman is a rich dude who has issues and takes them out on the world. Spiderman is an awesome college student who has powers and also likes physics.

    spiderman is better.

    that wasnt as eloquent as your argument though.

  6. Having delved into most of the Comic Universe through Wikipedia, I proclaim that Batman is much more awesome.


  7. You could also look at it as spiderman being just as good as batman without the need for every gadget and it's brother.

    And you do realize that batman doesn't have the witty one-liners that spiderman does either...

  8. Batman is more like Mersault in Albert Camus' "The Stranger": antisocial tendencies, anormative perception of society and his place in it (unconscious psychological separation from others), existence through physical (fighting bad guys) rather than emotional experience, etc. Taking that into account, it's only a matter of time before Batman shoots some sap pointblank and unprovoked. Thank you and goodnight.*

    *This weak-sauce literary analogy brought to you by the National Committee for Spiderman is Awesome and Batman is a Rich Dude with a Superiority Complex and No Superpowers.