Wednesday, May 30, 2012

The Elvis Sandwich

"Feast" your eyes on this beauty. (Get it? "Feast?" I'm sure you see what I did there)

So I'm looking up ways to combine peanut butter and bacon (don't ask), and I find that this exists: The peanut butter, banana, and bacon sandwich. It sounds revolting, but it was apparently a favorite of The King himself.

Naturally, I have to try it.

A few minutes later, and BAM: I make this. I'd go over preparation steps, but it seems pretty obvious. Prepare toast. Apply peanut butter. Slice banana. Add bacon. Serves one. Jumpsuit optional.

Admit it: You want this.

The verdict: Surprisingly tasty. The flavors blend together in an unexpected, but pleasant way. (I know... I'm surprised too.) There's also a lot of textures going on too. The peanut butter is smooth, the banana is soft, and the bacon and toast add just the right amount of crunchiness. All and all, pretty good. Elvis may have had a questionable fashion sense, but his taste buds were on to something.

Friday, May 20, 2011

Standards

Sword in the stone? Not quite...

Apparently, Merlin's have lowered quite a bit.

Tuesday, March 8, 2011

Conversations You Won't Hear During Phantom Of The Opera

I feel that much of the bloodiness of Andrew Lloyd Weber's Phantom of the Opera could have been avoided with a conversation like this:

CHRISTINE
Hey Phantom.

PHANTOM
Yes?

CHRISTINE
I really appreciate you giving me lessons and advancing my career and stuff, but there's this thing...

PHANTOM
Oh gosh, it's my face, isn't it. It's totally my face. You hate me because I'm ugly, don't you?

CHRISTINE
Well, no. I mean, you're a bit disfigured, but I can totally get over that.

PHANTOM
Then what's the problem? That's the only possible thing I can think of that can be hindering our relationship.

CHRISTINE
Well, there's another thing.

PHANTOM
Oh?

CHRISTINE
Yeah. This whole murder thing. It really has to stop.

PHANTOM
Murder thing? What murder thing?

CHRISTINE
You know, that whole murdering-everyone-who-interferes-with-me business. It really needs to stop.

PHANTOM
But how else can I help you succeed?

CHRISTINE
You can just keep giving me lessons. That got me the lead in Hannibal at the start of the show and you didn't have to kill anyone at all. Heck, with all the money you spent building this underground lake and house, you probably could have bought out the opera house and run it however you wanted, no killing required.

PHANTOM
...I actually don't know what to say to that.

CHRISTINE
I bet you don't. Murderous punk.

PHANTOM
Murderous punk! Doesn't killing people add to my tortured genius mystique?

CHRISTINE
Actually, it makes you creepy. Really creepy. Plus, it's more than a little illegal.

INSPECTOR JAVERT
Did someone mention the law?

CHRISTINE
Oh not this again.

INSPECTOR JAVERT
Opera Ghost, you are hereby arrested for murder, extortion, vandalism...

PHANTOM
Vandalism?

INSPECTOR JAVERT
That chandelier you crashed before intermission won't pay for itself.

PHANTOM
But I was trying to make a point!

INSPECTOR JAVERT
Dare you speak to me of crime? And the price you had to pay? Every man is born in sin! Every man must choose his way!

[INSPECTOR JAVERT continues to babel on about the importance of the law. After a few minutes, the PHANTOM produces his Punjab Lasso and strangles him. There is an awkward pause.]

CHRISTINE
See, this is the nonsense I was talking about earlier.

PHANTOM
Goshdarnit.

Sunday, March 6, 2011

A Key Distinction

I have found that, generally speaking, there is a difference between how much a person talks, and how much they actually said. Many times, the two are inversely proportional: The more someone talks, the less they say. The truly wise, however, talk little but say much.


That said, I have a tendency to talk quite a lot. Alas, no one's perfect.

Thursday, February 3, 2011

GUEST MATERIAL: Daleks, On Freedom

A friend of mine wrote this in about half an hour. He's a boss. Read it and weep with the galaxy of joy that comes from reading pure perfect poetry.

Read. Weep. Repeat as needed. The tears of joy will begin below:
Daleks, On Freedom
From the land of Skaro Great hail we:
The mighty Dalek race - But Free?
'Tis but a construct of inferior beings.
What emotion hath a Dalek? From whence cometh these wings?

Sadness we scorn: Such weakness disdain!
Pride, such self-love must be fain,
Anger breeds discontent; to its will the Daleks willn't bend.
Joy is most foreign - elation we must not comprehend

Individuality is Weakness - Orders are Supreme
Ignorance is Strength - Orders are Supreme
War is Peace - Daleks are Supreme
Freedom is Slavery - Daleks are Supreme

We know nothing of Love, care nothing for Fate:
Our oppressive Freedom is in One - Exterminate!

Sunday, January 30, 2011

Vectors In A Plane

It's not always the best idea. After all, if the magnitude is too large, it won't fit in the overhead luggage compartment. And putting vectors in your checked luggage is no fun at all.

This one goes out to all you math nerds out there.